$ My Life, My Thoughts $

But I’m tired of justifying so I say to you,

The fight for you is all I’ve ever known,
So be strong.

No one told us that one day we’d fall so hard for you, that years later we’d still be here.
No one told us we’d end up thinking about you, so often a smile played upon our lips.
No one told us you’d teach us to be strong, to love, and to fight back.
No one told us you’d make us proud the way you do.
No one told us we would become this selfish, caring for words only we wanted to hear.
No one told us we would become a burden to you because we forget you’re still human.
No one told us that a little part of us would die everytime you faked a smile.
No one told us you could set our hearts on fire the way you do.

No one told us this journey was going to be so hard and that we’d fight so fiercely to protect you.
No one told us some of our friends would leave because they couldn’t take the pain
(although we were there to tell them you were going through so much more.)
No one told us we’d have to go through all these rollercoaster rides of emotions day in and day out just for you.
No one told us it’d be worth it, but it was.
No one told us all this would happen, that we’d feel this way for five people we might never get to meet.
But we know we’d relive all this pain for you even if we were born again, because we’d rather choose pain than to have never met you.

They call us obsessed, crazy, delusional.
But why does it hurt so much more when they call you outdated, too far gone, an old memory?
Trying to make them understand is the hardest thing to do when words don’t come close.
You’re not just someone we look up to with love and respect and admiration; it’s the fact that you took us in and allowed yourself to be our refuge through your music that made a difference, the fact that somehow we feel indebted towards you for changing something in us, the fact that this pride we have for you will probably never end.
Words like 5-1=0, that’s a lie. You will never fall to nothing, even if you’ve to stand alone. Even if the stage looks empty, we’ll hold the spaces for you. Even if you don’t come back as 5, no one is going to stop us from being your red ocean.
We’ve everything to lose but if we don’t fight for it, we’ll never know what it’ll feel like to finally win.

You are DongBangShinKi and we are your Cassiopeia ♥

It’s been seven years and all these seven years,

You made us feel like flying on days we couldn’t stand up.
You made us stronger individuals and taught us how music could remedy pain.
You made us realize how far dreams could take us without losing sight of the important little things.
Even though I was only there for you slightly less than half of those seven years, I feel as though you’re a part of who I am. Your dedication overcame criticism, hardships and language barriers and it gave me reason to believe that risks are meant to be taken, and dreams are meant to be lived. Your music doesn’t just touch the heart; it comforts it and opens it up to real life. It allowed me to find tiny hidden doors and explore perceptions.
But the one little thing that convinced me to stay put is that invisible string that holds you together; that even with words unspoken, separate journeys don’t equivalate to broken ties, that everything you’ve been through as five will not dissolve so simply. That same little thing made me fall for you.

I’m a Cassie because there’s nothing else I’d rather be.

Yoochun, Junsu, Changmin, Jaejoong, Yunho.

I affectionately recall your names one by one.
No longer am I able to call your names without shedding a tear, or letting out a sigh.
Even before your names grace my lips, my eyes are already filled with tears
My heart is as heavy as can be.

To be honest, my selfishness would say that even if it made you suffer
I would be happier if all of you would just sing together.
That’s my cruel, cruel selfishness.

Winter has come upon us.
Snow white breath escapes my mouth
And people’s clothes get thicker as the days go by.
It’s scary how time just keeps passing.

Hey, later, when time has passed, when a lot of time has passed,
Will I be able to speak about you lightly?
Speak lightly, without a heavy heart, without sighs, just ordinarily
Will I be able to talk about you like that, will that ever be possible?

No I will never be able to do that.
Because you were never once just ordinary to me
Because this heart that belongs to you has never been just ordinary.
Every time I was tired and worn out, I would say it was because of the weight of my love for you.

It’s been seven years.
I think I lasted the past seven years with four years of love and three years of love and hatred

One, after another…
In this place by your side, that so many people have left, runs a cold and deserted atmosphere.
I wonder if you know that, do you?

Hey, guys.
This place, that you aren’t in right now is so cold and lonely because it’s empty.
So there were times when I hated you and felt so angry because you had left us here.
But now, watching you from the back as you go against the world, tears block my vision.
I can’t even look at you because I’m so ashamed of my idiotic and shameful selfishness.

I’m scared, guys.
That I’ll get used to seeing you guys split up,
That I’ll get used to seeing people leave.

I’m so scared that I’ll get used to the reality we face right now.
Are you really scared too?

I’m sorry.
I’m sorry that all I’ve done is shed tears as I watched you from the back.
Through you, I learned that the world can be a warm place.
I learned that a person like me could hold such a big heart,
I’m living in this world that I see through you.

When tomorrow comes, I will greet the morning gazing at your photos once more.
Like always, I will greet you and prepare to leave the house.
Another routine day will begin once more.

Even though people point fingers and call me foolish, how could I ever leave your side?
When the people you need most in the world right now is us.
When the people you trust most in the world right now is also us.

When this is a road you’ve decided to walk on by putting all your trust in your fans
How could I be the first to turn my back on this relationship?

Later, when a lot of time has passed, I want to be able to speak about all of this lightly.
Smiling warmly, without a single trace of sighs, tears or heavy hearts.
I know that we’ll be really worn out and tired because it’s a long road ahead of us.

No matter what I lose from now on,
No matter what I discard from now on,
I will stay right here.

Even if I lose everything I have, nothing will ever be able to replace you.
Facing this cold and lonely world, I don’t want to lose you, who are so precious to me.

Yoochun, Junsu, Changmin, Jaejoong, Yunho.

Like I’ve always done, I’ll wait for you right here.
Even if people point fingers at me and laugh
I will no longer be hurt by them.

With this heart that has become immune to pain
and used to being hurt, I will embrace you.

Guys, I love you.
I will no longer hold back saying that to you.